1. A husband comes home to find his wife with her suitcases packed in the living room. “Where the hell do you think you’re going? “he says. “I’m going to Las Vegas.You can earn $ 400 for a blow job there, and I figured that I might as well earn money for what I do to you free. ” The husband thinks for a moment, goes upstairs, and comes back down, with his suitcase packed as well. “Where do you think you going? “the wife asks. “I’m coming with you … I want to see how you survive on $ 800 a year !!! ”
2. A teacher was wrapping up class, and started talking about tomorrow’s final exam. He said there would be no excuses for not showing up tomorrow, barring a dire medical condition or an immediate family member’s death. One smart ass, male student said, “What about extreme sexual exhaustion? “, and the whole classroom burst into laughter.
3.Three Girlfriends Your best friend has three girlfriends. Their names are Doe, Ray, and Me. All 3 wants to do something special so they set up some dates. Three days ago Doe kisses him. Two days ago Ray gives him vaginal sex. Yesterday, who sucks his dick?
4. Nursing School A woman enrolled in nursing school is attending an anatomy class. The subject of the day is involuntary muscles. The instructor, hoping to perk up the students a bit, asks the woman if she knows what her asshole does during an orgasm. “Sure!” she says, “He’s at home taking care of the kids …
5.More A man and a woman were having drinks at a business conference when they got into an argument about who enjoyed sex more. The man said, “Men obviously enjoy sex more than women. Why do you think we’re so obsessed with getting laid?” “That doesn’t prove anything,” the woman countered. “Think about this: when your ear itches and you put your finger in it and wiggle it around, then pull it out, which feels better: your ear or your finger?”
6.Car Salesmen Two car salesmen were sitting at the bar. One complained
to the other, “Boy, this economy sucks. If I don’t sell more cars this month, I’m going to lose my fucking ass!” Too late, he noticed a beautiful blonde, sitting two stools away. Immediately, he offered apologies for his use of bad language. “That’s okay,” the blonde replied, “I have a very similar problem. If I don’t sell more ass this month, I’m going to lose my fucking car!”
7.Give Me One This guy is married and his wife knows he is a bit of a cranky pants.They go out together on a night out. They go to the restaurant and order a nice meal.Midway through he calls the waiter and says,”Is there any such thing as a decent glass of wine to go with this dinner, if so give me one.” Then they go to a pub where he calls to the barman, “Is there any such thing as pints of beer here,if so give me one.” On the way home they stop at a takeaway where he says, “Is there any suchthing as a burger here, if so give me one.” Theygo home and then go to bed and the man says “Is there any such thing as sex here?” His wife says,”It depends.” The man says,”What do you mean by that?” and his wife responds, “Is there any such thing as an orgasm here, if so give me one.”
8.Old man and his wife are not enjoying sex as much A man goes to the doctor and tells him that he and his wife are not enjoying sex as much any more.The doctor asks “How old are you and your wife?”The man says “We are both80.”The doctor asks “When did you first start noticing this?”The man answers “Well, three times last night and twice this morning.”
9.A blonde, a brunette and a redhead all work at the same office for a female boss who always goes home early.”Hey, girls,” says the brunette one day, “let’s go home early tomorrow. She ‘ ll never know. “So the next day they all leave right after the boss does. The brunette gets some extra gardening done, the redhead goes to a bar, and the blonde goes home to find her husband having sex with the female boss.She quietly sneaks out of the house and vows to return home at her normal time the next day.
In the morning, the brunette says, “That was fun, we should do it again sometime.””No way,” says the blonde. “I almost got caught . “
10.A bob, a vgina and an ashole are debating as to who is the greatest of them all. Bob: I give milk to new born babies and I’m attractive to the opposite sex, that’s why I’m the greatest. Vgina: I give birth to babies and I accommodate the opposite sx, that’s why I’m the greatest.Now it’s your turn to speak.
11.The teacher asked Johnny,”What is sx?”Johnny stood up and said:”Sx is a temptation causedmy a sensation where a boy sticks his location into a girls destination to increase the population of the next generation”The teacher stared at him and fainted.
12.John and Dave have been on adeserted island for over 2 years. Missing sx John proposes an idea.”Look Dave, I know we’re not gay butif you pretend to be a woman for me and let me sx you up I will do thesame for you.”Dave agreed and John began to ram Dave’s ashole. Dave was being a good sport and did his best to moan like a woman. After John finished Dave said “Ok your turn””Fck off, I have a headache Dave.”
13.I can’t believe that you’ve been visiting prostitutes for s*x, my wife screamed at me. I’m really disappointed. You can hardly blame me, I answered. It’s not like I was getting any from you. Well, that’s your own fault, she replied. You never told me you were willing to pay for it.
14.A man and his wife are getting into bed for the night.The man brings a glass of water and a bottle of aspirin to the bedroom and sets it down on his wife’s nightstand. She asks him”What’s that for?” to which the man replies “That’s for your headache.” “Headache? I don’t have a headache…” The man responds “Well then, looks like we’re having s*x tonight!”
15.A couple is laying in bed.The man turns to his wife and says
“Honey, I think we should work out a system to determine whetheryou want to have sx.On any given night, reach over, and grab my cck. If you want to have sx, give it a tug. And if you don’t want to have sx, tug it 100 times.”