1. A Topological Loop Walks Into a Bar, and Asks the Bartender “What’s the Quickest Way to get Laid?” [NSFW]
A Topological Loop walks into a bar, and asks the bartender “what’s the quickest way to get laid?”
The bartender answers, “Keep this under wraps, but check the second stall in the men’s restroom. There’s a glory hole there, and someone is in there right now.”
The loop enters the bathroom and walks into the second stall. Sure enough, he sees the glory hole. Wasting no time, he unzips his pants and inserts his penis into the hole. A few seconds pass, and someone starts to give him the best blowjob of his life.
After a few minutes, the Loop cums, and suddenly feels incredibly nauseous. The world feels like it’s melting all around him, almost as if he’d been dosed. He barges out of the stall into the bathroom, and in the mirror he sees his skin morphing and melting like a Hunter S. Thompson scene.
Stumbling out of the bathroom back into the bar, he yells at the bartender “What did you do to me?”
Knowingly, the bartender replies “You must’ve forgotten to say No Homo.”
2. Santa wants to learn the subject Logic
he goes to his friend Banta, and says, this ‘Logic’ is really difficult for me to understand. Could you please help teach it to me.
Banta: well its really simple. let me give you an example. Do you have an aquarium in your house?
Santa: Yes
Banta: logically there must be fishes in it.
S: Yes
B: I believe someone has to take care o f them. Does your wife takes care of the fishes?
S: Yes.
B: so logically you are married.
S:Yes.
Banta carries on :
B: since you are married, logically you are a heterosexual man.
S: Yes.
B: There you go, see its not that difficult actually..
Santa gets really impressed by the logic, and thinking he understood it very well. he goes to another friend and tells him about it. The friend says “oh, logic is really hard to understand for me too, could you please explain”.
Trying to show off his logic skill Santa asks his friend. “Do you have an aquarium in your house?” No. says the friend.
“you fucking homo!”
3. A student is looking for a university minor…
He finds a professor of assumption…
He asks what it is all about.
The professor asks, “Do you have a dog?”
“Yes, I do”
“So I assume you have a yard for a dog?”
“Yes, in fact”
“I assume you have a house then?”
“Why yes I do!”
“Therefore I assume you have a wife to help pay for the house?”
“Oh my, yes I do!”
“And children?”
“Yes, yes”
“So from all this, I assume you are heterosexual?”
“Amazing, I am!”
The man takes the course & is talking about it in the university bar
Another man asks him, “How does it work?”
The student says, “Do you have a dog?”
The other man says, “Oh, no.”
The first man looks at him disparagingly as says, “You homo.”
4. Choking on the Phonetic Alphabet
Last week, I was registering for a website when I ran into a little trouble and had to call their customer support. We were going through some basic form information and he was having trouble understanding my spelling so he told me to use the phonetic alphabet.
For those of you that don’t know, the phonetic alphabet is using words in place of letters when spelling something out (like A = Alpha, B = Beta, C = Charlie, etc.)
Now I don’t know about you guys but whenever I try to do something like this, my mind just freezes up completely. My mind immediately just goes towards the worst words to use.
“P..p…uh…perpendicular?”
“E………..ecs…tacy…”
At this point I was getting really nervous. I could tell it was starting to get awkward for him on the other end.
“D…Democratic Party…oh sorry that’s two words but I just meant Democratic”
“Orifice” He had trouble hearing that one so I tried to give another one. “Oxygen”.
“Principal”. That one was easy since it was my job at one point.
“Homo…sapien…” Whew. Close one.”Inception”. “Love”. “E-mail”.
Finally, I was done. We finished up the registration a few minutes later and I was super relieved to just be done with it.
Does this happen to anyone else?
5. A kid gets onto his school bus and starts annoying the bus driver…
The little kid sits down in the front seat and starts saying
kid:”If my parents were tigers, id be a little tiger!’
kid: “If my parents were giraffes, id be a little giraffe!”
Bus Driver: “shut up, shut up”
Kid: “If my parents were dogs id be a little dog!”
finally the driver gets annoyed and says: “O yea? what ifyour mom was a prostitute and your dad was a homo? Then what would u be?!”
Kid: “A bus driver.”