Why did I get divorced?

Well, last week was my birthday and my wife didn’t wish me a happy birthday in the morning before I went to work. My parents forgot too and so did my kids. I got into work and even my colleagues didn’t wish me a happy birthday. I was really sad because everyone had forgotten my birthday!

But then as I walked into my office, my secretary smiled and said to me, “Happy birthday, boss!”

Because everyone else had forgotten, I felt so special so when my secretary asked me if I wanted to go for lunch with her I jumped at the chance.

After we’d eaten lunch, she invited me back to her apartment and again I jumped at the chance. When we got there, she asked, “Do you mind if I just go into the bedroom for a minute?”

“No problem, I’ll just wait here,” I said.

Five minutes later my secretary came back out of the bedroom with a birthday cake, my wife, my parents, my kids, my friends, & my colleagues all yelling, “SURPRISE!!!”…

While I was waiting on the sofa… naked.

What’s 6 inches long, 2 inches wide, and drives women wild?

A $100 bill.

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